Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
