So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
