There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
