i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
