You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
