are you still at the devil's house?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
