When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
