genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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