so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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