kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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