Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Drunk is not a location!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
