So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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