This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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