i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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