Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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