I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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