dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
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He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
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Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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