As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
