i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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