oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
