that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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