I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
