I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
