Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
