My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize