well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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