And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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