She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
