Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
