just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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