I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
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I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
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My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.