Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled