I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it