mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls