So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
