You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
