I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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