So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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