we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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