If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
