Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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