Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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