i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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