I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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