my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
