Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
