so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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