So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
