I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
