We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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