matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Also, beer. Big fan.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
