1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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