question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Panties = found
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
