Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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