Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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