I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
