his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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